Getting Started

How much togetherness is too much?

Women often say, “I’m an introvert, so shared living would never work for me.”

My response is usually, “Maybe yes, maybe no. It all depends on who you live with. So why don’t you look for other introverts or women who would respect your need for alone time?”

Almost everyone, introverted or not, wonders about having some private space and time in a shared living arrangements. Of course, a private bedroom is a must, but will that be enough?

Much depends on the size and configuration of the space you rent together. If it’s a large house with extra bedrooms or easily divided common areas, each of you may be able to have other private space besides your bedroom.

Perhaps, you are more worried about always having to negotiate private time for yourself or having to constantly justify your need for alone time? Naturally, this would be an exhausting way to live.

So, finding compatibility on these issues is important and a subject you will want to checking out with your potential homemates.

By design, the first topic in our Homemate Agreement is about this very issue. (As a member, you will get access to all of our tools, including our Homemate Agreement.)

Your homemate group of 2, 3, 4 or more can choose low, medium or high levels of interaction and companionship. A suggested definition of each follows, but your group can define it any way that works for you.

Low Level:
– homemates live independent, parallel lives
– shared meals and activities are very rare

Medium Level:
– homemates share occasional meals and activities (once or twice a week)

High Level:
– homemates share daily meals and/or activities

Are you ready to become a member?

7 replies on “How much togetherness is too much?”

I think letting these arrangements evolve through time is the answer however an occasional mutual dinner, lunch, outing could foster some real connections.

I also think that levels of commitment can be renegotiated, or stated formally as entering another level when they naturally evolve. For example, I could imagine a scenario where initially the women agree on a high level of personal privacy but then after a couple of years, it’s going well and they naturally opt to eat more together, and even enjoy each others’ family visits.

There was a seniors’ women’s meetup group 2 or 3 summers ago that met in person to hammer out initial issues. With that group of 15- 30 women, questionnaires revealed that everybody totally wanted their privacy and yet also wanted a friend to talk to when they needed it.  Maybe these things are not at odds, maybe they are,…..A lesson about the process,  I guess, about discovering the real personal priorities for this voyage.