It's good to consider ahead of time what questions you want to ask a prospective person you might want to live with. (In Senior Women Living Together, we call these people prospective "homemates").
Naturally, you need to discuss all of the basic things like how cooking, cleaning and laundry will be done. But at a deeper level, you will also want to know what the person will be like to live with. So, you need to learn more about their usual ways of responding to day-to-day life circumstances.
Sometimes, it can be challenging to ask the harder, deeper questions. They can raise anxiety in the person, and you might worry about how the question will be received.
Keep in mind that your prospective homemate might want to ask you some hard questions too. So, here is what you could say to get the ball rolling. “I really like you and I think we are pretty compatible. But before I commit to living together, I think we should both be as sure as we can be. Let's start asking each other the hard questions so that we can move forward with more confidence. Do you have any questions about me that you would like answered before you commit?"
Here is a list of some of the hard questions/issues to consider:
- What complaints have others (like friends, ex-husbands or ex-roomates) had about you in the past?
- What are your worst qualities/behaviours?
- Why might living with you be difficult for me?
- How do you usually react to big changes, like moving, losing a job, a death?
- If you could wave a magic wand and change something about you in an instant, what would it be?
- Do you require understanding/accommodation because of neurodiversity or mental health issues like anxiety, depression, bi-polar disorder?
- Do you wake up happy and looking forward to your day?
- What is your sleep pattern like?
- Is your own personal growth important to you, and what kinds of things do you do to increase your self-awareness?
- How do you handle conflict or disagreements?
- What do you do when your feelings are hurt?
- Is it hard for you to confront things that are bothering you?
- What do you do when someone is doing something you don't like?
- What is your relationship with your children like? With your ex-husband? With your friends? What would they say about living with you?
- Do you have close friends? Why do you consider them close friends?
Also keep in mind that this person will be sharing rent payments with you, so asking about her income and credit rating is important but can be hard to broach.
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