You might be asking yourself, "Am I really ready to start living with other senior women?"
Or maybe you have thought, "How can I know if I am ready?"
These are great questions and preparing yourself is definitely the first thing you need to do.
Living with others requires a significant shift from individualistic, mainstream living to a collaborative shared culture.
Living together involves psychological, social and practical preparation. When you have already explored your own readiness and you feel confident that you know yourself well, this sets you up for success when you start looking for the other women you want to live with.
To examine your psychological readiness ask yourself the following questions:
- Why do I want to live with other senior women?
- Can I change from a "me" mindset to a "we" mindset?
- Am I ready to share decision-making power?
To examine your social readiness ask yourself these questions:
- Can I get along with others, resolve conflict without drama and communicate effectively?
- Can I listen to the needs of others without judging or dismissing them?
- Can I express my own needs effectively?
- Do I understand what boundaries are and how to respect them?
To examine your practical readiness ask yourself these questions:
- Have I downsized sufficiently knowing that the space and storage options will be limited?
- Am I financially prepared for the costs including contributing to shared expenses and emergency issues?
- What practical skills will I bring to the group of women I live with? (cooking, cleaning, repairs, gardening etc.)
Most of us will answer these questions with, "Sometimes" or "Maybe" or "I'm not sure". That's normal and okay. You don't need to be competent in all areas of shared living; you just need to explore these things and thus get ready for the changes that will come about.
What are your expectations?
Ask yourself:
- What am I hoping to gain from living with other senior women?
- What do I require to be happy living with them?
- What are the things that I could not tolerate?
- What material things am I happy to share with the others?
For sure, you can expect that there will be disagreements. Occasional conflict is a normal condition of all relationships. The goal is not to avoid conflict, but to manage it well.
Living together can be messy and challenging, but it is also comforting when a homemate gives you a hug; allows you to share the burden of household chores; increases your safety compared to living alone; allows you to have money at the end of each month for things you want to do; and can potentially allow you to not have to go into a nursing home.
There is one expectation that shows up frequently. Some women expect that there will be a sense of community simply because they are living together with other senior women. But a sense of community does not just happen on its own; it requires work. It happens when the group has regular, intentional conversations about their community. They solve problems together. They create solutions together. Together, they manage everything related to the home.
How to Live with others successfully
- Use the Golden Rule—Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. With home sharing, this means being willing to compromise and adapt behavior for the comfort of others in the home.
- Do it while it’s easy. This is a communication skill, to speak up about a little annoyance before it becomes a big nightmare. It is much easier to say something early on, before it spirals out of control.
- Your room is your own. Always. In shared housing, there should be no reason why anyone would be in a homemate's personal space without their consent. This is how privacy is maintained.
- Be friendly. Being friendly doesn’t mean you need to be best friends with everyone in the house – it simply means being pleasant to be around. A little smile can go a long way.
- Don’t be messy. You don’t necessarily have to be a neat freak, but you should certainly be mindful of the messes you make and be willing to clean up after yourself.
- Be willing to compromise. You understand that decisions are often consensus-based and you may not always get your way.
- Communicate openly, honestly and respectfully, even when navigating differences or conflicts.
- Be considerate of other people's boundaries. You recogonize individual boundaries (time, space, privacy) are important and healthy.
- Always respect and follow the house rules.