Compatibility is described as "a state in which two things are able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict".
Everyone would agree that the most important thing that leads to success in a home sharing situation is finding the "right" people to live with. Since compatibility is essential for successful shared-living, Senior Women Living Together (SWLT) focuses considerable attention on this issue.
Let's face it, no one wants all the stress and work required to move into a place and then find out that the woman or women we are living with are not a good fit.
Here are some tips on how to determine if someone is compatible with you. Or in other words, how you can tell if the other person is a good fit for you to live with.
First, know thyself.....
Take a good look at yourself first. What are the qualities that you admire in people? What draws you and another person into a friendship? Perhaps, it's a person's sense of humour that draws you. Or their intelligence or ability to articulate their thoughts. Maybe, you are drawn to people with the same values and life-view. Or you could be drawn to people who are different from you.
The point is to explore for yourself what you want to find in a person who you will live with.
But be sure to also explore what kind of person you do not want to live with. Consider what qualities you could not tolerate. Perhaps, dishonesty or negativity or inflexibility or even their political views would be difficult for you to live with.
Don't rush.....
If you are in a hurry, you are more likely to make rash decisions and could easily find yourself living in a horrible shared living situation. It's not uncommon for human beings to rationalize living with someone who is not a good fit simply because there is no time to re-consider.
At SWLT, we find that it generally takes at least 2 months of actively spending time together and getting to know one another before making the decision to live together.
Picture this.....
Now, picture your perfect homemate. What is she like? What kind of person is she?
Also, picture a living-together scenario that interests you. Perhaps, preparing and sharing a meal together. It could be an activity, like taking a long walk together, shopping together or watching a movie together. What kind of homemate do you want to do these things with?
The devil is in the details...
Of course, it's often the little things that can irritate the most. Like how the other person does the cleaning or laundry or grocery shopping. What does "clean" mean to her as compared to your expectations. Maybe, she spends a lot of time watching TV and then wants to describe everything to you in detail. The list of details goes on and on.
So, SWLT has created a way to discuss and make decisions about all of these things in our Homemate Agreement. If you become a subscriber, you will get a copy of this with instructions on how to use it, but for now, you can learn more about our agreement here.
Look for "perfectly imperfect" matches.....
Since none of us are perfect, though, it's very unlikely that you will find a homemate that matches you in every way.
So, the next best thing is a woman who is "perfectly imperfect". Can you find the women who "Mostly Match" your expectations? Are you able to be flexible about some of the things you want or don't want?
It's okay to trust your gut reaction.....
Pay attention to red flags and your gut reactions. If you are uncomfortable with something a potential homemate says or the way she treats other people, don't ignore it or dismiss it. Try to determine if it is something you can live with, something you can't live with or something you need to fully discuss with the woman first.
Most of us know after a couple of meetings if we like someone or not; if this person COULD be a good friend. Often, this is a gut reaction. We aren't always sure exactly why we like the person, we just know that we do. Similarly, we usually know pretty quickly if we don't like someone.
But living together with someone is different than friendship. For instance, your current bestie might be perfectly compatible as a friend but not someone you could live with.
Check out how you feel when you are spending time together....
If you feel tense, nervous or confused when you spend time with a potential homemate, you need to ask questions and get more information before agreeing to live together. (You can learn more about asking the hard questions here.)
If you feel happy and relaxed when you are with her, then you are definitely on the right track. But you still might need to get more information and learn more about her before you commit to living together.
In this way, finding a good fit for a homemate is similar to finding a good fit for a spouse. Lots of time needs to be spent together; lots of in-depth conversations need to be had. There is that thing called, the "honeymoon period" that affects homemate arrangements too. So spend lots of time together and make sure you get all of your questions answered.
It's a good idea to visit each other's current homes because you can quickly learn what "clean" means to them and if they have a habit of hoarding things, for instance. Doing activities you are both interested in is another good way to spend time together. Even going on a bus trip together can reveal things about your potential homemate that you might not otherwise learn. Some women will spend a weekend or week living together to learn more about each other.
There is no 100% guarantee...
Like most things in life, there is no way to be 100% sure when it comes to compatibility. And it's true that you never really know someone until you live with them. So, it's important to learn how the other person communicates when problems arise.
Do they get silent and leave; do they speak aggressively in response; do they overreact; do they cry? Or are they willing to resolve things with discussion and problem-solving methods?
Try to find out how your potential homemate responds to stress and problems. If their usual responses are not helpful, they might be willing to change with your help.
As a SWLT subscriber, you will get all of our information and tools that stack the odds of you finding a compatible homemate significantly in you're favour.
Are you ready to start exploring our Member Directory for potential homemates?
Get Started Now.